wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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