I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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