the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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