You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
