Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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