My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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