Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize