I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
