so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
