we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
