You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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