clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
