I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
