pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
