i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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