I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
