Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
