I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
