Yo dont text me then not text me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
