So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
