His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
