I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
