Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
