I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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