you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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