I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
