I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
