yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
