I just cut my nipple shaving
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
