i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
