i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
