im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
