every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
