I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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