So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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