DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
