then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
