Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
