I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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