In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
