my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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