dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
