Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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