he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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