Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
