im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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