I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
