you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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