i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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