I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
