cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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