Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
