I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I could fuck to npr.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
