Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
