What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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