I think I am morally bankrupt
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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