were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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