Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
