i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
