So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
