On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
