Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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