she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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