my sisters under your porch take her home
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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