you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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