you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
