You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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