apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
