i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
