i think my mom watched the whole time
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
